Struck by a truck of reality

This whole week got me thinking, if I just go along with the first UPU results that I got in 2016, I would have finished my degree this year. But since I was so stubborn, clueless and such a pain in the neck, I decided to go against the flow, went through some journeys that costed my family a lot of money, creating plans after plans, waited for another year to just apply for another UPU, and ended up in Diploma in Pharmacy. 

Not gonna deny how glorious my diploma years were, but as it had ended, a new dilemma begins. It is not that I am not grateful with what I have now, but somehow I think, things could have been better if: 

1) I chose to continue my studies in 2016, or 

2) I chose to work instead of pursuing my degree 

 I have come to realize how bad it is to still asking for money from your parents when you reach 21 and above (and for God's sake, I'm turning 23 in another 23 hours). I love Pharmacy, even though it is tough as hell, with all the chemistry, pharmaceutics, immunology and stuffs, but deep down inside my heart, I believe that the spark is still there, trying to ignite in a heavy rain. At times, when things get hard and I feel stuck and lost, I really want to quit whatever I am doing, and maybe start earning my own money. But imagine, how upset my mom would be. What would my uncles and aunties say when they know about me dropping out and being left behind my peers, again? What would my siblings feel about having a little sister who is such a failure? So, I could say that the only motivation that I have at the moment is the little bit of spark that I mentioned, plus the feelings of my family and lastly, I'm trying to push myself in my studies for the sake of my lecturers, who I think are such wonderful and amazing people on Earth. Those are the things that keep my going (even though I'm walking or maybe crawling in this journey). 

 Getting back to the money topic, so since quitting is never an option, so maybe I can figure out something else. Something like doing business, just like how majority of my friends are doing. Selling supplements, clothes, or maybe food. But the main problem is, I don't have any interest in business. Like zero. Zero. Z E R O. 

 Tapi nak oi, kau expect nak goyang kaki pastu duit jatuh dari langit ke? Kalau nak sesuatu, kena bagi sesuatu dulu. Nak bagi apa masalahnya? Tak boleh ke ketepikan minat tu dan rempuh je? Kalau orang lain boleh, kenapa tidak kita? 

 Ya, itulah apa yang aku tengah buat sekarang. Pujuk diri aku supaya buka sikit hati, minda, jiwa, raga terhadap sesuatu yang menjana wang. It's a constant battle but lemme just continue this war inside my head until it is convinced.